Sunday, July 27, 2008
Need to vent...
Ok, so I've been married for 8 years and together for 11. I have always had issues with my mother-n-law even before she became my m-n-l. At one point my husband and I broke up when dating because of her. I like to think of myself as a strong woman. I didn't always used to be. I was sexually assaulted, made fun of in school, shy, had low self-esteem and then as I got older I realized I wanted to be in control of my life and never let anyone control or hurt me again. Well, my m-n-l is a strong-headed women as well so we tend to butt heads a lot. She has always babied my husband and very controlling and of course that doesn't sit well with me. When we met, he was 21 and his mom was still making/packing his lunches (putting his sandwhiches is a mickey mouse sandwhich keeper) for him, did his laundry, folded it, took it to his room, well you get the picture. By the time I was 16 I was doing my own laundry, bought my own toiletries and when we met I was 20 and I certainly made my own lunches. My husband and I moved an hour and a half away from our families and on an average we come home about 2-3 times a month for the weekend. We used to go home every weekend whether there was a reason to or not but the packing and running around got old real quick, so after our 1st year of marriage I said we would only go home when there was something to go home for. I don't know about you people, but I work all week and I like to enjoy my weekends the way I want to not the way other people think I should. Weekends are when we clean, do yard work, laundry, grocery shopping and all those things have to be put to the side every time we have to go up. Now, don't get me wrong I'm not saying I never want to see our families again, but what I am saying is that I shouldn't have to be made to feel guilty for doing what I want. Nothing is ever good enough. We always make sure we see both sets of parents when up, unless there is a scheduling conflict. We do spend the night at my parent's house more, yes, but we do make time for Ken's family and we do stay over night sometimes. There are times we are up and I don't get to see my family, but that's just the way it goes sometimes. Well, I've had it! I'm tired of trying to make everyone happy. I'm tired of spreading my 2 days off between 2 families just to be fair. Ken's mom always has a comment, always has to put a guilt trip on until she gets her way and I say no more. I'm doing what I want, when I want and I don't care. I know when you get married, you marry their family as well and sometimes you have to suck it up and do things that you don't want to out of respect for your spouse, but this has gone on too far and too long. With being on Paul's program now for over 4 months it has taught much more than how to lose weight. I am in control over my food, I have self-confidence and now I want control back in my life too. Well, I can't say I feel better, but I do feel good that I was able to get some of my thoughts out. It's still my husband's mom, so I can only do so much venting to him out of respect.
Monday, July 21, 2008
7/21-Played Tennis
Well, back to the work week. Monday's are alway crazy for me. I do payroll for about 90 employees, which is only about 1/2 of the # of employees just at my branch and we have 25 branches across the US. It's a concrete restoration company.
Got home, had to run to the grocery store and get a short order since I normally go over the weekend and couldn't. Then we said we would try the tennis courts again. This time there wasn't a sole there. 2 girls came later but they were a lot of fun (and just as "good"as my husband and I). We played for about 50 min. This time I came out and gave my husband a run for his money. I didn't get crushed like I did the other night.
Today was pretty good with my eating as well. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just had cereal for breakfast, mac n cheese in a cup for lunch and an Italian sub for dinner (I just love those things!). I'll have a sub about 3 times a week from different places because they all taste different so it's not like eating the same thing over and over.
Tomorrow morning I have to get blood drawn for a 2nd opinion. My gyn had me tested when I explained of being tired and having the lack of other interests. She found my thyroid was low. Went to my pcp to go over the results and she wants to get another sample just to make sure. Maybe that would explain why it takes such energy to lose weight. A low thyroid slows the metabolism, affects the memory (which I can't remember crap) among other things so this could be a good thing. Maybe with medication my overall health will improve. My pcp also noticed some abnormalities to my liver. That scares me a bit. My aunt had to have a liver transplant after she was diagnosed with psorosis of the liver. When I asked my doc what can cause the liver to go bad, she said being overweight. And my aunt was more over weight than I am so that scares me but she said it's such a small trace, that's why she wants me to be re-tested. But it sure gives me something to think about and a reason to keep on the path that I am on.
I'll keep you posted on the outcome of the blood results.
Till next time...God bless.
Got home, had to run to the grocery store and get a short order since I normally go over the weekend and couldn't. Then we said we would try the tennis courts again. This time there wasn't a sole there. 2 girls came later but they were a lot of fun (and just as "good"as my husband and I). We played for about 50 min. This time I came out and gave my husband a run for his money. I didn't get crushed like I did the other night.
Today was pretty good with my eating as well. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just had cereal for breakfast, mac n cheese in a cup for lunch and an Italian sub for dinner (I just love those things!). I'll have a sub about 3 times a week from different places because they all taste different so it's not like eating the same thing over and over.
Tomorrow morning I have to get blood drawn for a 2nd opinion. My gyn had me tested when I explained of being tired and having the lack of other interests. She found my thyroid was low. Went to my pcp to go over the results and she wants to get another sample just to make sure. Maybe that would explain why it takes such energy to lose weight. A low thyroid slows the metabolism, affects the memory (which I can't remember crap) among other things so this could be a good thing. Maybe with medication my overall health will improve. My pcp also noticed some abnormalities to my liver. That scares me a bit. My aunt had to have a liver transplant after she was diagnosed with psorosis of the liver. When I asked my doc what can cause the liver to go bad, she said being overweight. And my aunt was more over weight than I am so that scares me but she said it's such a small trace, that's why she wants me to be re-tested. But it sure gives me something to think about and a reason to keep on the path that I am on.
I'll keep you posted on the outcome of the blood results.
Till next time...God bless.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Couldn't play tennis
Today was a little whacky. Usually when we are home and not in Pennsylvania visiting family (which we do about 2x a month since it's only a 1 1/2 hour drive from where I live in Baltimore, Maryland to Hershey PA which is where my husband and I are orginally from) we go to the gym Fri-Sun but because of my nephew's tournament down here in Baltimore it was my family's turn to do the traveling and we didn't get to the gym. However, my husband and I did manage to work in the good 'ol treadmill. It was sooo hot just sitting and baking in the sun. I can't imagine how those boys must have felt running, in gear, game after game. They played 6 games in 2 days. They were undeated 5-0 but unfortunately lost in the championship round. But still was very proud of them. I hate the summer and lovvve the winter. I would give anything to shovel snow than to deal with this hot sticky humidity. My dad is from New Hampshire so I guess I got cold blood. Got home about 4:30 and just chilled in the air conditioning but then at 7:00 I felt guilty that I didn't get my exercise in but didn't feel like getting on the treadmill so I suggested we go to the tennis court that is right by our house. It's 2 fenced in courts, free to the public. It's nice and convenient. We saw 2 guys playing but then there was another guy just standing by the other court. I asked if he was waiting for someone and he said yes, but kinda snippy which disappointed me as well as irritated me. I told my husband we would wait in the car for about 15 min and if his friend doesn't show, we going back. But about 5 min left his friend showed. I just started really getting into exercising and for me I gotta strike while the mood is hot. I resolved to the idea that I would just have to get on the treadmill when we got back home since I was already dressed for a workout. Burned 345 cals and my pedometer read 9,320 steps for the day. Not bad.
Had a Italian cold cut sub for dinner and then I did end up baking 2 of those p.b. cookies, but at least I waited to when I truly was hungry. I've had that pack of cookies in the fridge for about 2 weeks now, when in the past it wouldn't have made it more than 3 days.
Till next time...
Had a Italian cold cut sub for dinner and then I did end up baking 2 of those p.b. cookies, but at least I waited to when I truly was hungry. I've had that pack of cookies in the fridge for about 2 weeks now, when in the past it wouldn't have made it more than 3 days.
Till next time...
Mom's Always Right
So, even as an adult I'm still learning from my mom. Apparently my mom had it right all along. My family and I always picked on her for being the last one to finish her meal, but I guess the last laugh was on me. The answer to my weight problem was in front of my face all this time and I never knew it. Well, I guess as the saying goes, better late than never, right?
I feel lazy today. I have to get moving soon to get to my nephew's lacrosse tournament, but my head is saying, this couch is sooo comfortable.
I ate cereal this morning for breakfast. Then about an hour later I was on to lunch. I know you're only to eat when you're hungry but sometimes that's not always realistic. My nephew's game starts at 1, which means we have to leave at 12:30. I truly loathe the thought of those darn port-a-pots so I tried to eat and drink in enough time to allow my body to digest before going leaving the house. I actually feel just right, so it's not that I over ate. But sometimes some of my old tricks come back to haunt me. When I start craving something I tend to confuse reality vs. craving. I make myself believe that I am truly hungry when in fact it's just my mind's way of getting me to eat what I am craving for at that moment. I did want to bake 2 p.b. cookies (from those pre-made cookies from Tolle House where all you have to do is bake 'em). I used to make the whole pack at one shot and eat like 6 cookies at a time. Then I smartened up and only bake 1-2 cookies at a time which forces me to only eat that amount because till you warm up the oven again to make more, the craving for more cookies has past. Well, I don't know if I waited out the craving or if it was just plain old laziness, but either way I never got up to turn on the oven and now I'm glad I didn't. It's like trying to be Goldilocks every day-Not too hungry, not too full, just right.
Well, gotta run.
I feel lazy today. I have to get moving soon to get to my nephew's lacrosse tournament, but my head is saying, this couch is sooo comfortable.
I ate cereal this morning for breakfast. Then about an hour later I was on to lunch. I know you're only to eat when you're hungry but sometimes that's not always realistic. My nephew's game starts at 1, which means we have to leave at 12:30. I truly loathe the thought of those darn port-a-pots so I tried to eat and drink in enough time to allow my body to digest before going leaving the house. I actually feel just right, so it's not that I over ate. But sometimes some of my old tricks come back to haunt me. When I start craving something I tend to confuse reality vs. craving. I make myself believe that I am truly hungry when in fact it's just my mind's way of getting me to eat what I am craving for at that moment. I did want to bake 2 p.b. cookies (from those pre-made cookies from Tolle House where all you have to do is bake 'em). I used to make the whole pack at one shot and eat like 6 cookies at a time. Then I smartened up and only bake 1-2 cookies at a time which forces me to only eat that amount because till you warm up the oven again to make more, the craving for more cookies has past. Well, I don't know if I waited out the craving or if it was just plain old laziness, but either way I never got up to turn on the oven and now I'm glad I didn't. It's like trying to be Goldilocks every day-Not too hungry, not too full, just right.
Well, gotta run.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Sat. 7/19
Today I watched my nephew's lacrosse tournament. Man it was hot!
Got on the treadmill this morning before leaving. Took it a little easy because I hurt myself when I "played" tennis on Wed. It was only my 2nd time playing. My husband and I go out with rackets but I wouldn't call it tennis. Ha! Ha! Oh well, I have fun and it gets me exercising without making it seem like a workout so I guess the pain is worth it. My husband and I also do strength training 2x a week and treadmill (I walk on an incline and he likes to run) about 3x a week. He has been my rock. Always supportive and always made me feel beautiful no matter what size I am. Going to the gym with him has made the difference between success and failure.
Ate at Wendy's with my sister and her family for the sheer convenience factor. My nephew had about 2 hours between his last game and the next one and we wanted to get him in a place with air conditioning and Wendy's was the 1st thing we came too. Believe it or not, even for a fat person, I was never really into the fast food places. But sometimes a nice greasy burger goes down nice. And remember...you can eat WHATEVER you want. I did eat my burger but only about 1/2 of my small fries and 1/2 of my small frosty.
Dinner was a salad, 1/2 bowl of soup and about 1/4 of a small DQ blizzard. Still sometimes struggle with my new eating habits. I tend to over order but at least I now am listening to my body's signals of when I'm full.
Drank plenty of water especially with being out in the heat all day, but did try to conserve a bit...those port-a-pots are gross and nothing worse than a sauna of waste, I know, EEWWW, right??!!
Well, better get to bed. Going to tomorrow's tournament.
Got on the treadmill this morning before leaving. Took it a little easy because I hurt myself when I "played" tennis on Wed. It was only my 2nd time playing. My husband and I go out with rackets but I wouldn't call it tennis. Ha! Ha! Oh well, I have fun and it gets me exercising without making it seem like a workout so I guess the pain is worth it. My husband and I also do strength training 2x a week and treadmill (I walk on an incline and he likes to run) about 3x a week. He has been my rock. Always supportive and always made me feel beautiful no matter what size I am. Going to the gym with him has made the difference between success and failure.
Ate at Wendy's with my sister and her family for the sheer convenience factor. My nephew had about 2 hours between his last game and the next one and we wanted to get him in a place with air conditioning and Wendy's was the 1st thing we came too. Believe it or not, even for a fat person, I was never really into the fast food places. But sometimes a nice greasy burger goes down nice. And remember...you can eat WHATEVER you want. I did eat my burger but only about 1/2 of my small fries and 1/2 of my small frosty.
Dinner was a salad, 1/2 bowl of soup and about 1/4 of a small DQ blizzard. Still sometimes struggle with my new eating habits. I tend to over order but at least I now am listening to my body's signals of when I'm full.
Drank plenty of water especially with being out in the heat all day, but did try to conserve a bit...those port-a-pots are gross and nothing worse than a sauna of waste, I know, EEWWW, right??!!
Well, better get to bed. Going to tomorrow's tournament.
How I became fat...
I wasn't always fat. Nope, in high school I wore a size 12, but the kids picked on me for being "fat". Ok, so I wasn't a size 0 "barbie", but do you think a size 12 is considered fat? It's amazing how people can wear your self-esteem down till you actually believe you are worthless. But you know what? Everyone has a story. We can't use our past as a crutch for who we are today. Look, I was raped when I was 12, picked on for being fat and then actually became fat. By age 30 I was a whopping 250 lbs. I'm not telling you this for the pity nor making any excuses. No matter what happened to me in the past only made me the strong woman I am today. I never gave up trying to lose the weight and I'm so glad I didn't because this is my time-right here, right now.
Overall I'm healthy. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't have diabetes, but I know I'm walking on limited time and if I don't start making some serious changes my near future of health could look very different.
My mom always said I was a happy baby. And to be honest, no matter what size I was, I was happy. Of course I longed to wear the nice clothes. I never understood why the fashion world never got that fat people want to look nice too. I wouldn't mind paying a few bucks more for the extra material but how come the cute, skinny chicks always had the choices of the latest fashion trends while I had/have to shop at big people's store that sell moo-moos and big ugly printed shirts. Yeah, give the fat chick something with a huge animal print to draw more attention to her.
I was a 2nd helping (2nd plate as big as the 1st), dessert eater. I would be on my 2nd helping before my husband even finished his 1st. And always had to have a dessert or felt incomplete if I didn't have something sweet afterwards. It's amazing, and gross, to realize all what I would eat. I actually would eat a whole 1.25 lbs of cheese raviolis and 5 cookies in one sitting. I know, how gross, huh?!
Since the 1st day I started on Paul's program I have never gone back for a 2nd helping (in 4 months) and maybe have a small dessert 2 a month and that's only if I cut back on my dinner just to be able to have the dessert. And I have never felt deprived or incomplete.
For people that don't believe food is an addiction, I pray that you never have to suffer from one. Food for me is equivilant to cigs to a smoker, crack to a drug addict, or alcohol to an alcoholic. The difference with food is we can never be rid of it. We can't go "cold turkey" and give food up. So some how we have to find peace with food. Make it our friend. Control it instead of it controlling us.
I just wanted to explain how I became fat. Like I said, we all have our stories that took us down the road of fat. But my story doesn't end. I am not going to be just another "fat statistic".
Overall I'm healthy. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't have diabetes, but I know I'm walking on limited time and if I don't start making some serious changes my near future of health could look very different.
My mom always said I was a happy baby. And to be honest, no matter what size I was, I was happy. Of course I longed to wear the nice clothes. I never understood why the fashion world never got that fat people want to look nice too. I wouldn't mind paying a few bucks more for the extra material but how come the cute, skinny chicks always had the choices of the latest fashion trends while I had/have to shop at big people's store that sell moo-moos and big ugly printed shirts. Yeah, give the fat chick something with a huge animal print to draw more attention to her.
I was a 2nd helping (2nd plate as big as the 1st), dessert eater. I would be on my 2nd helping before my husband even finished his 1st. And always had to have a dessert or felt incomplete if I didn't have something sweet afterwards. It's amazing, and gross, to realize all what I would eat. I actually would eat a whole 1.25 lbs of cheese raviolis and 5 cookies in one sitting. I know, how gross, huh?!
Since the 1st day I started on Paul's program I have never gone back for a 2nd helping (in 4 months) and maybe have a small dessert 2 a month and that's only if I cut back on my dinner just to be able to have the dessert. And I have never felt deprived or incomplete.
For people that don't believe food is an addiction, I pray that you never have to suffer from one. Food for me is equivilant to cigs to a smoker, crack to a drug addict, or alcohol to an alcoholic. The difference with food is we can never be rid of it. We can't go "cold turkey" and give food up. So some how we have to find peace with food. Make it our friend. Control it instead of it controlling us.
I just wanted to explain how I became fat. Like I said, we all have our stories that took us down the road of fat. But my story doesn't end. I am not going to be just another "fat statistic".
Never Have To Diet Again...
Hi! And thanks for joining me on my journey of a new life. I was liberated from ever having to diet again and I just feel like the whole world needs to know how they too can end the vicious cycle. You know the one I'm talking about...you feel bad about yourself so you eat, you feel guilty that you ate so you commit yourself to a diet that just sets you up to fail and when you cheat, and you know you will, you feel bad about yourself again, eat more, feel guilty, go back on the diet, etc, etc, etc... Sound familiar??
Mid March I watched a show on TLC featuring Paul McKenna, a man from the UK who said he could make me thin even through the tv. That had me intrigued, but of course skeptical. How many infomercials, books, diet pills have we all seen that say the same thing? But I thought, "Ok, I'll bite", so I watched the 1st episode of a 5 week series and never looked back. He has 4 "Golden Rules". I know, I'm probably losing you right now at the thought of just another diet with "rules and restrictions". But before I lose you completely, keep reading...
Rule #1-Eat When You're Hungry.
Don't let anyone or any time dictate when you need to eat. Your body does that all by itself naturally. All you have to do is listen to it.
Rule #2-Eat What You Want.
Madness I tell ya! This crazy fool is telling me I can eat what ever I want and yet he swears he can make me thin?! Oh, but it's true. And when he says anything, he means...ANYTHING.
Rule #3-Eat Consciously
This means no more mindless eating. You can't truly be eating consciously while watching tv, now can ya. It's amazing how much extra food you will shovel in your face and you don't even know you're doing it.
Rule #4-Stop When You Think You're Full
Now, if you are thinking what I was thinking when I 1st heard this, I thought, man, if I knew how to do that I wouldn't be fat now would I?! But the thing is, we have to again rely on our bodies and tune in because they will tell you, we just never bothered to listen
To learn more about these rules and Paul McKenna, go to mckenna.com .
I've lost 16 lbs to date and with exercising I've lost 9% total body fat. Not bad, but here's the amazing thing...After following the 4 GR's for 4 months something else happened. I realized that it's not just about losing weight, I found I can love myself now, not wait for the thin me to emerge before finding respect and self-love.
So now begins a new journey...I hope you will continue to follow me and my transition from fat to thin.
Mid March I watched a show on TLC featuring Paul McKenna, a man from the UK who said he could make me thin even through the tv. That had me intrigued, but of course skeptical. How many infomercials, books, diet pills have we all seen that say the same thing? But I thought, "Ok, I'll bite", so I watched the 1st episode of a 5 week series and never looked back. He has 4 "Golden Rules". I know, I'm probably losing you right now at the thought of just another diet with "rules and restrictions". But before I lose you completely, keep reading...
Rule #1-Eat When You're Hungry.
Don't let anyone or any time dictate when you need to eat. Your body does that all by itself naturally. All you have to do is listen to it.
Rule #2-Eat What You Want.
Madness I tell ya! This crazy fool is telling me I can eat what ever I want and yet he swears he can make me thin?! Oh, but it's true. And when he says anything, he means...ANYTHING.
Rule #3-Eat Consciously
This means no more mindless eating. You can't truly be eating consciously while watching tv, now can ya. It's amazing how much extra food you will shovel in your face and you don't even know you're doing it.
Rule #4-Stop When You Think You're Full
Now, if you are thinking what I was thinking when I 1st heard this, I thought, man, if I knew how to do that I wouldn't be fat now would I?! But the thing is, we have to again rely on our bodies and tune in because they will tell you, we just never bothered to listen
To learn more about these rules and Paul McKenna, go to mckenna.com .
I've lost 16 lbs to date and with exercising I've lost 9% total body fat. Not bad, but here's the amazing thing...After following the 4 GR's for 4 months something else happened. I realized that it's not just about losing weight, I found I can love myself now, not wait for the thin me to emerge before finding respect and self-love.
So now begins a new journey...I hope you will continue to follow me and my transition from fat to thin.
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